Tuesday, Mar. 18, 2003 - 11:16 p.m.
Like so many other people, I've been thinking about war a lot lately. I am a pacifist by nature, which I am realizing more and more as I get older isn't necessarily a good thing. At the core of my being is a voice that points out all the good in people in general, screaming it loud enough to drown out the negative aspects of humanity. The idealistic part of me says that any conflict can be resolved through careful, mediated reasoning. I have always been one to fight my battles with words rather than force, and have always wondered why the rest of the world can't have that viewpoint.
Careful, mediated reasoning requires some fundamental assumptions, however, namely that all parties involved are being completely honest and are willing to compromise for the sake of the greater good. Unfortunately, this isn't how deliberations between rival governments work. Deception and bullying is par for the course any time government leaders butt heads.
Truthfully, I really don't know which side is right in our current dilemma with Iraq. If I completely believed every word of the six o'clock news, I would trust Bush's decisions completely. But knowing that our media is just as biased as you will find in any other country, I can't blindly trust our government's motives.
I will, however, support any decision Bush makes in the matter. In order to make any sense of this situation, I have to make myself believe that he is making any decisions concerning declaring war from a purely logical rather than emotional standpoint, or at least has some knowledge that the general public is not privy to. It's this willing suspension of disbelief that will prevent me from curling into the fetal position in debilitating despair when (I don't believe it's an if anymore) the bombs start falling on Iraq.
While watching the recap of Bush's address last night, I was suddenly eleven years old again watching CNN in our quarters on Ft. Knox when Dad was in Iraq for Desert Storm. I had never before and have never since experienced such prolonged fear than I did knowing that my father was on the other side of the planet in the middle of a desert while SCUD missles were flying a couple hundred feet over his head. I hate the fact that there is likely another eleven year old living in the same quarters I lived in twelve years ago who will have to experience the same thing.
I wrote a while ago here a little about what I witnessed from Dad's wartime experience. When I go home this weekend, I may look for his photos from Iraq again. I think that in a time of war, it is important to see how the battle affects people on both sides. We are likely going to have a lot of inconvenience brought upon us in the United States when the war starts. We're already paying more for gas in our cars and travel security measures are again being tightened. And our network television will likely be interrupted for special reports from the front lines. Other than that, our lives will remain largely unchanged. I am truly frightened for the people of Iraq in the weeks to come. If the attacks outlined in our news are made, there will be an unimaginable loss of innocent human life over there. Yet we will still be here in our comfortable homes, driving to and from work and carrying on our usual routine, save for the hour of coverage on CNN we may stop to look at every day or so.
It is tough being a pacifist in a world that is quickly turning savage. I'm starting to feel like my efforts to not curl up in a ball in fear will soon be for naught. It is all too real to me.
