Monday, Mar. 10, 2003 - 12:37 p.m.
The New York Times says that Dubya spent the morning calling various foreign leaders to rally support for going to war against Iraq. Rather than spout off on my admittedly uninformed stance on the war situation, I'd rather present one of my theories on how the United States government could be better run. What if in order to become President, a candidate was required to have at least a year experience in telemarketing? Let me explain.
Sure, the President serves many useful administrative purposes for our country (he does, doesn't he?), but first and foremost, he is a salesman. It is his job to do an impressive song and dance to convince foreign leaders, our government, and even the American people to support his endeavors. Who would be better to do such a thing than a seasoned telemarketer?
Hell, just last week I was talked into signing up for long distance service that charges twenty cents per minute. How much harder would it be for one of these soulless bastards to convince Junichiro Koizumi, prime minister of Japan, that he should support bombing the hell out of Iraq? I can just imagine the conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Koizumi after he hangs up the phone...
Mrs: "Who was that, Koizumi-san?"
Mr: "Another damned president."
Mrs: "What did they want this time? I thought we were taken off all the calling lists."
Mr: "Apparently not. I think I just agreed to support a war."
Mrs: "Damn. This is going to be worse than the time you bought 13,000,000 yen worth of beef from that door-to-door salesman. From now on, I answer the phone."
Mr: "Yes, dear. Does this mean I can't play on my PlayStation tonight?"
I truly, truly don't have a life.
