Thursday, Jan. 16, 2003 - 2:06 p.m.
Lately, I've spent a lot of time bemoaning the fact that I'm single. This is a completely foreign concept to me, as until recently I've prided myself on my sense of independence. In the last couple of weeks, though, I've been a total basket case.
My life has turned into a very dull routine. I wake up, go to work, go home for lunch, go back to work, come home, sit on the futon, play on the computer, and go to bed. Repeat daily. There is very little variation, save for the occasional trip to Target or phone call.
I am sick and tired of routine. It's time I broke out of my monotony. The only thing is, I have no idea how. I've gone through the routine that I've been in because it's easy. It's easy to go to work by day and spend my nights at my apartment. It's easy to convince myself that I'm living a fulfilled life. Reality tells me I'm not. I have a college degree, yet I'm barely clearing enough money to sustain myself. I've been working for a year at a job that I swore would only be a temporary deal until I could get the position I want. I should be applying for grad school, but I have no clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. I feel like the most aimless motherfucker who ever walked the face of the planet sometimes.
And back to the single thing. Having the desire to be a relationship is such a foreign concept to me. I haven't the slightest clue how I'm supposed to meet a guy, much less one that I'm genuinely interested in. I wish I were one of those self-confident, outgoing people who could just walk up to someone and ask for their number. I am so not that kind of person. I'm more likely to go to the bar, stand along the back wall all night, then go home and bitch about the fact that I didn't meet anyone.
So, a few days of solitude and deep self analysis has taught me that I'm not nearly as sorted out as I thought. I am a mess.
Anybody in the area who isn't a psychopath, old man, teenager, or general freak of nature wanna date me? Oh, and you need to be relatively clean and shower regularly. And you shouldn't be freakishly tall or embarassingly short. And you can't listen to weird music. And you should call me back when I leave you a message.
Fuck, I'm never gonna find anybody...
